Back to Index   Traditional Music >> Performers >> Monologues >> Wm McCulloch >> David and Goliath

  Grandfather Tells the Children About David and Goliath

Weel Ye see, wee Davie wis jist a wee bit boy, jist a wee laddie, and at the time the war broke oot wi the Philipstines. At the commencement of hostilities, his twa brothers wis ca'd up fur tae jine the malitia, and of course wee Davie wanted fur tae gang tae, bit his father said "Na Na David, you canna gang, fur ye see they widnae tak ye. In the first place yer no auld enough and besides yer ower wee." Ye see there wis nae Bantam Brigades in they days. "Bye and Bye when ye hiv supped a wheen mair purridge you micht be able fur tae jine wi the lave. Besides ye'll need tae stie at hame an gang wi the milk and feed the kye and generally help yer auld faither, fur he's no sae fit as he used tae be wi they rheumatisims - aye."

Weel, ther wis wan thing that wee Davie had learned fur tae dae an that wis fur tae dae as he wis telt. So he jist stayed at hame and played at the bools and spinned his perrie and held the wool fur his mither when she wis knitting the socks fur the sodgers.

Weel, efter about a month a telegram cam frae the the front tae say there wis a grave shortage of meat amang the sodgers in the trenches. And his faither made up his mind fur tae send wee Davie wi some ox and some ham and mibbie a dizin or twa guid fresh laid hens, eh, fresh laid eggs. And you may guess that wee Davie wis weel pleased fur tae gang. And he set oot on his journey. And when he arrived at the seat of hostilities, he noticed that his brithers and some of the ither sodgers wis looking awfy white like aboot the gills.

"Jings," he says, "Ye're a' feart!"

"Aye," says his brithers, "Wait till you have seen the big giant Goliath of the Philipstines and you'll be frichted a bit tae. He stands ten feet high - in his stocking holes!" Aye he wis a big man; All the giants wis big men in thae days!

"Me, frichtit?" says wee Davie, "Ah hivna seen ocht that could frichten me! An if your a' feart, I'll gang and fecht the big Giant masel'"

And when the King heard that he had somebody that wis willin tae stand up tae the big Giant - who stood 15 fit high in his stockin holes - He wis exceeding glad. But when he saw the size o' wee Davie - he wis jist a wee bit boy ye ken - his face fell and he telt wee Davie he was feart the job wis ower muckle for him. For the giant wis a man that stood twenty feet high and besides that, he had a waistcoat o' puir brass as thick as a steam biler and a spear as lang as a telegraph powel.

"Never mind," says wee Davie, "Jist let me git a swipe at him afore he grows ony bigger!"

And he went doon tae the burn. No' a big burn or a river nor an ocean, Jist a wee bit burn. An he goat some roun' chuckie stanes for his pea sling. And he went forth fur tae meet the Giant Goliath of the Philipstines. A man wha was the size of a common hay-stack in his stoking holes. And when Goliath saw the size o' wee Davie he sterted fur tae laugh.

"Ho ho ho!"

"Ho ho ho yersel!" says wee Davie.

Goliath says "Whit are you wantin here?

"I''ll sin let ye see," says wee Davie.

"Will ye, Cheeky Breeks?" says Goliath. "I'm thinking you'll be gaun hame in the Red Cross Wagon!"

Bit wee Davie never let on he heard him. He jist goat a roun chuckie an pit it in his pea sling. An he lit bang at the Giants big floosie heid. An he fun him richt atween the een. And Goliath says "Here, whit are ye daein'? Dae ye no ken that's sair?" He wis fair dumfounnert. He dina even hiv time tae cry "ballie". Ye see, sic a thing as a chuckie stane had never entered his heid afore. As he fell doon on the braid o' his back, an a Philipstine says to him, "Aw ye big stookie daw! Whit wye kin ye no fecht the laddie?"

"Hoo can I fecht the laddie?" says Goliath, "Kin ye no see I'm busy here deein'?

Weel, wee Davie goat a big sword an' he cutted aff the Giants heid. An' he took it hame an pit it oan the sideboard. An the Philipstines, they ran awa' awa'.' he wis jist a wee bit boy...Aye... They rin awa'...


Back to top